Ok, I have been gone for a minute; well not literally, because it is just another expression to say that I have not written in a while. So where was I?
First off, I would like to apologize. There is a part of me that feels this crippling guilt for not updating this blog more frequently- not in fear that I was disappointing readers, but rather because I really want to use this blog as a platform to push my writing, and to a certain extent, my creativity, in a certain direction. Yet, there was this other part of me, the perfectionist me, that was afraid of uploading a post with less than perfect grammar. That was afraid that updating my blog meant putting less time into job-hunting and so that was afraid of so many more things.
Therefore, I am going to treat this blog as my personal challenge to become a better content creator, to un-learn the stodgy rules of academic papers and to rant about my ‘feels’ for unemployment. And I want to start by cleaning up the blog– posting the posts that I promised I would, learning to customize the design, learning the backend of the blogosphere, and most importantly, scheduling my posts.
In the past month, I have started yet another contract position, to explore the industry of agriculture (if confused, please check this post out). The first two weeks went well with me appreciating certain aspects of the job and disliking others. Somehow, this descended into a strong dislike for the position, and a persistent questioning of where I stand vis-a-vis my ambitious goals: “Look at X, Y, Z they got jobs in reputable places, doing reputable things while I am still stuck typing in data for this agriculture firm. What do I want to do with my life? Why am I not finding a permanent job? I need to push harder.”
After getting four of my wisdom teeth extracted last Thursday– oh yeah, that happened– and getting two sick days off, this Sunday evening I am toying with the idea of asking for yet another day off. Thoughts of Monday rolling around fill me with anxiety, a stress for too little time to wrap up random errands, and a dread for going back and punching numbers. I now realize that it may not be smart to talk about this publicly on the internets; thus, I shall stop there.
Of course, I want to mention that there are some things that I appreciate at my position, which is more adequately put in a list form:
- I appreciate that I get paid the equivalent of an entry level marketing assistant’s yearly salary… for punching in numbers.
- I appreciate the sorta-egalitarian treatment of the workers. Of course, as a contractor, taking personal time off, means catching up every single hour that was meant to be worked (like why!?!) BUT
- Unlike organizations where I have previously worked, every worker had a security access card to the building that worked after-hours. Everyone has a work email and access to the programs that they need for free. You, as the worker, are provided with a work computer (yes, some organizations with big budgets don’t provide that). You are given the same swag as everyone else. You have an hour long lunch (I live for lunch breaks). Oh and you are paid. Yes, I am talking about unpaid interns.
So that is it for me. I am saying good-bye to that attitude that kept me away from blogging. I think the last bullet point would make a good blogpost. What do you reckon?